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Welcome to Turnitin Revision Assistant

This walkthrough shows how Revision Assistant's instant feedback helps students improve their writing with every draft.

Meet Tessa

Tessa is a 9th-grade student. She’s working on a Revision Assistant Signal Check assignment.

Prompt

The standards-aligned prompt asks Tessa to argue whether libraries should censor materials people may find offensive.

Prewriting

Analyzing what she just read, Tessa can brainstorm ideas for her claim, evidence, and conclusion.

Draft 1 - Too Short

Tessa’s first draft is too short to earn a score. Revision Assistant suggests ways to expand her ideas, so she gets right back to work on another draft.

Draft 2 – Overall Scores

On Draft 2, Tessa scores 1 and 2 out of 4 bars for each rubric trait. Knowing she can do better, Tessa reviews Revision Assistant’s holistic suggestions for improvement.

Draft 2 – Strengths

Next, Tessa checks out the sentences Revision Assistant highlighted as her strongest. She can use this feedback to improve other parts of her essay.

Draft 2 – Struggles

Now, Tessa looks at the sentences Revision Assistant highlighted as areas where she struggled. She carefully reviews the specific feedback for how to improve. Draft 3 here she comes!

Draft 3 – Score Increase

Tessa’s writing improves! By incorporating Revision Assistant’s instant holistic and sentence-level feedback, Tessa increases her scores in Language and Style and Organization on Draft 3.

Turning It In

When she is ready, Tessa can turn in her draft. Her teacher can then instantly access Tessa’s latest work as well as data insights into Tessa’s writing progress.

Welcome, Tessa !
Argumentative Writing Assignment
Assignment
View Rubric

Censorship in the Libraries

"All of us can think of a book that we hope none of our children or any other children have taken off the shelf. But if I have the right to remove that book from the shelf—that work I abhor—then you also have exactly the same right and so does everyone else. And then we have no books left on the shelf for any of us."

- Katherine Paterson, Author

Write an argumentative essay to a newspaper reflecting your views on censorship in libraries. Do you believe that certain materials, such as books, music, movies, magazines, etc., should be removed from the shelves if they are found offensive? Support your position with convincing arguments from your own experience, observations, and/or reading.

Prewriting
Great writing begins with a great plan!
Claim
Censorship is a good thing. 
Support 1
I hear bad stuff in the halls at school all the time.
Support 2
We are surrounded by bad language and images in all the books, movies, and magazines.
Conclusion
This is where we're heading in this world. 
Draft 3
9/5/2017 11:46 AM
Language
Support
Claim
Organization

     Can you imagine a world where anything goes? Sometimes it seems like that’s where we’re heading in this world. As a teen, I hear terrible things just by walking through the halls in school, so when my friends talk about freedom of speech, it isn't always a good thing. Even though many people want to have the freedom to choose, censorship is a good thing in some cases, such as if it restricts bad language or inappropriate scenes in a book.

     One piece of evidence for censorship being right is that harsh language and inappropriate scenes in books or the media could make kids repeat the words or bad behavior. There are plenty of books, movies, and magazines that contain inappropriate language, sex, and other disturbing things. People should be able to read and listen to things from the library without being offended by it so we should make sure those things aren’t seen on library shelves. Parents don't like it when kids are reading about inappropriate behavior. As a future educator of a new generation I would never want children reading books like "Fifty Shades of Grey." I am okay with teen love and dorky teens, but I say no thank you to a book about sex. Another reason that censorship is good is that I want my children to grow up innocent, and live life to the fullest without reading about sex and other inappropriate behavior. Most parents would agree with that!

     In conclusion, if we could put more important learning in books, movies, and etc. there would be less aggression in the world, and kids would be less likely to use bad language or be inappropriate. Having a more positive day and going out and saying I read this wonderful book that taught me something new in life would be the best thing to hear and then we wouldn’t need censorship in libraries or anywhere else.

Draft 2
9/5/2017 11:43 AM
Language
Support
Claim
Organization
Language and Style
How well do I use language to convince my audience?
Take a close look at your word choice. Choose the right words that are active, specific, and vivid.

     Can you imagine a world where anything goes? Sometimes it seems like that’s where we’re heading in this world. As a teen I hear terrible things just by walking through the halls in school. I think that censorship is a good thing in some cases, like if it's too bad or inappropriate scenes in a book. Harsh language and inappropriate scenes in the stories will most likely make kids say the words and/or reenact the bad stuff. There are plenty of books, movies, and magazines that contain inappropriate language, sex, and other disturbing things. People should be able to read and listen to things from the library without being offended by it so we should make sure those things aren’t seen on library shelves. Parents don't like it when kids are reading about inappropriate behavior. As a future educator of a new generation I would never want children reading books like "Fifty Shades of Grey." I am okay with teen love and dorky teens, but I say no thank you to a book about sex. I want my children to grow up innocent, and live life to the fullest without reading about sexual intercourse and other inappropriate behavior. In conclusion, if we could put more important learning in books, movies, and etc. there would be less aggression in the world. Having a more positive day and going out and saying I read this wonderful book that taught me something new in life would be the best thing to hear and then we wouldn’t need censorship in libraries or anywhere else.

Language and Style
When writing argumentatively, it's often easy to use casual language when trying to persuade your reader. Remember though, it is important to continue a formal tone and style in all forms of writing.
Helpful?
Yes No
Support and Evidence
This part helps strengthen your argument. Remember to confront the opposing side by addressing the counterclaim and its weaknesses.
Helpful?
Yes No
Draft 1
9/5/2017 11:42 AM
This draft was too short to receive feedback. Suggestions for improvement were:
  • State your claim about the topic
  • Include evidence and explain how it supports your claim
  • Use proper punctuation to show where your sentences end
Go to the Prewriting Space and click the question marks for further guidance.

     Sometimes it seems like that’s where we’re heading in this world. As a teen I hear terrible things just by walking through the halls in school. I think that censorship is a good thing. There are plenty of books, movies, and magazines that contain inappropriate language and other disturbing things.

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